Week Fourteen: Isolation and Recommitments

During the preceding weeks, my language study has been pretty lackluster, and I can blame continued illness, holidays, and end-of-semester demands all I would like, but ultimately the error lies in me. Indeed, if I was truly committed to my independent language-learning, sure, these things would be obstacles, but they wouldn’t stop me from learning. Accordingly, I am frustrated with myself, but presently, I wish to view it as an opportunity- an opportunity to review extensively and learn further before the final assessment. More importantly, I wish to re-commit myself to a schedule that will allow for independent learning, particularly as I approach winter break which, with the absence of formal classes, will leave me completely by myself to structure my language lessons.

Pertinently, it was brought to my attention recently that I wasn’t necessarily reflecting on my language-learning, so much as external factors pertinent to it. I have to apologize for this, because I believe I was consciously deflecting and allowing myself to ramble about these topics, because I felt my language-learning wasn’t going as well as it should be. In the process, however, I isolated myself further from those around me (those interested or otherwise invested in my progress) by refusing to talk about it. Again, I am sorry, and I need to train myself to be better at recognizing negative feelings and managing them in a productive way, even if that means expressing emotion when I don’t want to.

Speaking of those relevant to my language-study, I have been unable to meet with my language partner for the past month. The first week, he had to host parent-teacher conferences, and the next three weeks I was/will be out of town (the first two weeks at home and the third in New York City for a conference). Perhaps this contributed to feelings of isolation, as well. Due to this, however, I am afraid to ask him to help me with my final self-assessment, because we have been out-of-touch. Although I recognize that he has invested in my progress by spending time with me, sometimes I find it difficult to rationalize asking him to help me further. This experience has made me understand fully the literature that encourages students to pay their language partners, and perhaps I would feel less burdensome if we had arranged that, but in the meantime, I am still nervous without much recourse. 

On to studying once again...